| change is hard. |
[Nov. 24th, 2011|11:56 pm] |
so is crying through the night.
so is not having any appetite.
third day, third night. and it goes on. i see stars when i exert energy. not a good feeling, but it'll be wondrous to just leave everything white and white. i see nothing, i'll stop thinking.
all those oldies and indiepop on the replay.
and they sang:
"i listened when they told me - when it burns, you let him go."
i should have known.. i should know. i know. |
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| money money money |
[Oct. 18th, 2011|12:23 am] |
its so funny.. in a rich man's world..
i don't think that having more money is funny.. maybe that's why i'm not in a rich man's world.. sad case :( mango cheesecake was a floppity flop.. i really dont' think i want to try it again -.- its expensive... i'll just make do with mango pudding then. heh heh.. all those mango pulp have to be used!!
school work is getting too much to handle nowadays.. so is my weight.. haha.. oh well.. this is a super short post.. going to play a little guitar and then BACK TO STUDYING. i want to train tooooooo.. URGH :(
this is recruit val URGHING out
over and out |
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| be not afraid |
[Oct. 7th, 2011|01:31 am] |
it was a rainy, dark and gloomy day..... after my tuition (7-10pm), i decided to walk over to shengsiong to see if anything was on offer... it was about 200m walk? but there was minimal lighting.. i carried my umbrella and was trying very hard to navigate the water puddles.. then i felt a prickle on my neck... in the corner of my eye, i spied someone following me.. he was really much taller.. and by the glimpse of it.. he looked rather tan ( it was an area populated by people with a darker shade of skin tone).. i started walking a little quicker.. but the one behind me.. looked as though he/she was gliding along the path.. which freaked me out a little more than ever.. i was starting to think if it was someONE or someTHING.. i was so terrified i started singing out some songs.. awkward as it was but i thought it worked.. i gained some courage through my monotonous tune and nonsensical lyrics (such as : three brown mice three brown rice. see how fast they grow.see how fast they grow. so tall so strong i drink grow. delicious creamy grow grow grow, we love mould. we love mould). as soon as i thought i mustered enough courage.. i turned on the spot to confront that 'thing'/'person'.....
then i realised.. it was my shadows all along.. just that it was amplified by the stupid umbrella and the distanced streetlamps.. MY GOODNESS!!
this is recruit val squirming out
over and so embarrassingly out |
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| getting ready for bake bake |
[Oct. 3rd, 2011|01:04 am] |
have been thinking about setting up a bakery these few days.. i know its going to almost impossible.. but yea.. i know its just daydreaming.. but i can't help it.... i think i'm just obsessed.. haha. but if i really have the chance.. and have the talent. i'll most definitely have my bakery up and running..
the place will not only be a place to sell desserts. but also a place for students to study (but they must purchase the study kit to study in.), a place for office people to come in for chit chat.. a place for gatherings or parties.. a place for casual reading and a place to watch their videos..
i want to make desserts for everyone.. less sugar and less butter. with a changing menu every month .. just like bread talk. but i don't want to make bread my main character.. but muffins. muffins and less dressy cupcakes. something that old folks can eat and yet little children can play with.. and most importantly.. my target audience will be OLs and teens. because.. i guess that's where the moolah is.. i have been dreaming a lot haven't i? :D:D i HAVE been dreaming too much. i ain't got the talent and i ain't got the money.. HAHA.. so much for dreaming..
even if i will never get to open my bakery.. i will still be baking because that's where my passion is :D so look forward for more treats!
and when will 2alt2 ever try my new style of baking!! my bakes are no longer a failure!!
this is recruit val dreaming out..
over and out! |
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| Pulau Ubin getaway countdown |
[Sep. 28th, 2011|09:34 pm] |
Just booked a deal online for a getaway in pulau ubin.. somewhere called celestial resorts.. they said its like bali with its own manmade lagoon and beach.. but it totally looks awesome.. can't wait to have my 2D1N holiday. maybe i should ask my taekwondo group if they want to have a training over there too.. looks really good. i cannot wait to get my feet into that manmade beach and (fortunately) natural sun:) been so long since i had some overseas time with alvin... and also tanning time :)
going to try to bake chocolate mousse cake soon:) looks really decadent and i hope its a success.. then i'm going to try to make some more mantous..but half the proportion so i can perfect it without wasting it.. haha
need to train need to train need to train
need to improve need to improve need to improve..
need to get a grip on studies...
this is recruit val signing out
giggling over and out
:D |
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| hairdryer's my new friend |
[Sep. 25th, 2011|02:22 am] |
Most people use tissues, I use hairdryer.. i'm so eco friendly.. but it really cheers me up.. i don't know why.. the sound just makes me feel a tad better.
my tummy's hurting again.. but i think its gastric this time.. not my lactose intolerant thingy or some other weird weird stabbing pain.. maybe its time i go have it checked.
this is recruit val (who can't sleep) signing out
over and out |
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| when i dehydrate sufficiently.... |
[Sep. 25th, 2011|12:52 am] |
sometimes. i think its easier to just say 'you will never understand' than to try explaining it all...
this is recruit val's tears streaming out
over and out |
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| what is the young of a swan |
[Sep. 24th, 2011|12:59 am] |
young of a goose = gosling
young of a chicken = chick
young of a goat = kid
young of a pig = piglet
young of a duck = duckling
young of a swan = UGLY DUCKLING
i need jokes like this to give me more laughter. haha. seriously.. i thought it was damn funny.. either that or.. i just need some amusement.. something to get me distracted from whatever i'm thinking.. haha. alright.. i'm just the young of a weak.. weakling. ha ha ha
training training training. it seriously releases me from so much stuff running through my mind.. tuesday training thursday training friday training.. this coming sunday training monday training. every(other)day i'm training. haha. i don't even feel the pain anymore.. i dont' feel alive -.-
this is recruit val crawling out
over and out |
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| what i can and what i want. |
[Sep. 23rd, 2011|03:21 am] |
Sometimes, these two just can't coincde.. they're like.. on different planes. its so upsetting. but i really can't. maybe i haven't tried hard enough. but i'd like to believe that i've tried really hard. and still it doesn't work out :( now that i've bared it all.. i expect to see a huge gash in the whole relationship.. i'm not sure if it'll heal.. perfectly or not... or will there be a relapse.. or will it get inflamed over time...i'm really so so so afraid.. like what noelle said.. are my dreams like self fulfilled prophecies? i'm so scared. i'm so scared i can just cry my whole night away and skip my dental appointment tomorrow. i don't even care to see if my report for the cyst in my gums are positive or negative.. i must really be stupid. so so so stupid. at a time like this... i still went to shop for his favourite snacks... at most i'll just leave it at his doorstep if we really go our separate ways... i'm so scared..
S is for scared
S is for sorrow
S is for stupidity
S is for i want to scream
S is for skinny which i want to be
S is for sigh
S is for sian
S is for swollen eyes
S is for the snot runnign down my nose
S is for shivering in the cold
S is for sissy. why must i be such a crybaby :(
S IS FOR SOUP SPOON. DROWN AWAY ALL MY SORROWS IN MY EGGPLANT WITH CHEESE... i'm such a loser.. why :(
this is recruit val signing out.
stupidity and all.
over and out
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| always not good enough |
[Sep. 20th, 2011|11:53 pm] |
i'm always not good enough.. tkd has been quite tough lately.. i keep underperforming but i know i can make it.. i'm so upset. why why why..
i need to train doubly hard.. plus i'm getting fatter and fatter as days pass by.. FAT WOMEN ARE SO NOT ATTRACTIVE :(
this is recruit fats signing out
over and out.. |
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